Mixing reverie with fun, or death in the Philippines

At a time when much of the world (or at least Europe) is remembering those who passed away, I would like to tell you about how the dead are buried in the Philippines. How we say goodbye to our loved ones is an important part of culture in every corner of our world. What does it look like in the Philippine islands? Or at least where I lived?

Death in the Philippines

During my three-and-a-half-year stay in the Philippines, I experienced many things that would be impossible to point out at instant. Living in the rural Filipino community, I was seen as a natural part of it. Thanks to this, I had the opportunity to experience all the more or less important moments with the villagers of Subayon and beyond. Among other things, I had the opportunity to be at our employee’s wedding, which was an interesting experience. However, not all occasions are so happy, a clear example being the death of a family member. What happens when someone dies in a Filipino family? There really is a lot going on, and the whole process can infuse a sense of consternation and even little indignation. So let’s take this journey with the dead.

Formal differences

Perhaps, let me start this way. What does it look like formally in Poland? In a nutshell, a death, a funeral and a wake. Then more or less frequent visits to the cemetery, obligatory on All Saints’ Day. In the Philippines, or at least in Bohol, the dead are not forgotten so quickly. Rites here last… up to three years! What events are involved? It looks like this: the death, a week-long novena with games and activities, a ‘pre-funeral’, a ‘proper’ funeral, a month anniversary, the first anniversary and the third anniversary of the death. I have had the opportunity to experience them all, so let’s begin our journey. 

“Lola”

I think we have to start with the death itself. Unfortunately, it came in April to the family closest to me in the village I lived in. Therefore, I had the opportunity to know the person around whom everything continued to unfold. In my friend’s house her Lola lived as well (“lola” means grandmother in Filipino languages), who turned 94 a month before she died. She was a very kind and warm person, despite her deafness and progressive Alzheimer’s. She was so accustomed to my company that when I wasn’t at dinner, she would always ask “Where’s Amerikano!” (everyone who is “white” is referred to as “amerikano”). At the beginning of April, the second Sunday of the month to be exact, I was awakened from my afternoon nap by a text message that read as follows: “Filip!!! Lola is dead.” I put on what I had at hand and ran to the home of a family. There, even though less than 30 minutes had passed since the death, everyone concerned (and more) had already gathered. 

Lola’s body was lying on her bed and was cared for by neighbours and family. What is interesting is that in the Philippines, a doctor does not have to declare death. When a family says their member is dead, it means they are dead and that’s it… The body, without the doctor’s examination, was taken 2 hours after death by a funeral home team. Some family members went to Tagbilaran (the capital of Bohol island) to choose the coffin. In the evening, it was time to start the Novena.

Novena for Lola

One note before we get to the Novena. If you ever see a white tent set up in front of a house in the Philippines, know that something is happening… And it could be either a wedding or a funeral, possibly a fiesta as well. In line with a local custom, a suitable structure stood in front of the house less than a few hours after Grandma’s death. Well, we have the tent – time for the Novena. The novena in the Philippines lasts seven evenings, from the day of death to the day of the funeral. It is nothing more than a special series of prayers, and one such ‘session’ lasts about 40 minutes. 

In each village, several women are appointed to lead prayers for different occasions, and they are in possession of notebooks in which all possible prayers and songs are written down, handed down from generation to generation. The selection of this person is often based on family and friendship ties. It is not usually a person from a particular family, because all the relatives are busy with other duties. This was also the case with the death of my friend’s grandma.

What happens after and during the Novena?

You already know that the Novena lasts for 7 days, and given the Filipinos’ reverence for food, this element cannot be missed during the rites. Shortly after the death, the whole family gets together and discusses who will sponsor which day of the Novena. Sponsored? Yes, the word is absolutely right! And it is in place because everyone coming to these prayers has to be fed, and someone has to pay for it. So all expenses and responsibilities are shared among the closest relatives. While this is quite a burden on the household budget, it is also a matter of honour – a person shying away from sponsoring food would not be met with favour from the community. 

So we already know that the relatives of the deceased pay for the food during the Novena. And for what specifically? It depends on the wealth of the sponsor, but it must be something substantial. For example, pansit (noodles), bread with something to put on or other delicacies, such as sweets, coffee and juice/soda to drink, as well as alcohol and cigarettes. All this is distributed by designated people immediately after the prayer by family members. First is the ‘main dish(es)’, then coffee or soft drinks, depending on preference, and a cigarette for everyone.

A bit of gambling

What happened after was beyond my wildest expectations. Within a minute, faces full of sadness, grief and bitterness turn pink, put on wide smiles and show unbridled excitement and a slight frenzy. Castling takes place and more tables appear, in an order that must have been discussed beforehand. Rum, cigarettes and a supply of coins and notes begin to appear on the tables. What does this mean? Gambling, my dears, gambling at its fullest! The guests, as if forgetting why they came, start laughing loudly, shouting and heading for their favourite game. And available are Bingo, card games and a “life or death” – a game peculiar to the Philippines. The center of the game is a concrete base with a wire bar on top that has a wire wheel. A large group of gamblers gathers around it and, shouting to each other in the cebuano language, throw coins at the centre of the wheel. In a nutshell (unfortunately, I still don’t fully know the rules till now!): the gamblers choose a head or tail (or in this case, ‘death and life’) and bet on what will fall out.

The consternation of a European

The first time I saw this madness, I couldn’t even get a comment out of me. After a while, without thinking, I chuckled to my Filipino friends that what I was seeing was a “Patay Party”. There was a moment of consternation but then they admitted I was right! The word ‘party’ I don’t need to explain, while ‘Patay’ in cebuano means several things, but mainly death, the deceased, the act of dying, or simply expressing displeasure when something doesn’t work out for us (something like ‘shoot’). I guess my linguistic innovation was quite accurate, because it quickly caught on among my local friends. On a few more occasions I heard “Filip, there’s a Patay Party tonight, are you coming?”. 

After initial disbelief and slight disgust with Filipino customs, I eventually joined in these ‘rituals’ too, losing 10 pesos at Bingo during the Novena in honour of Lola 🙂 .

(Dear reader, please note that the phrase “patay party” used is my description of the situation! It is not an official name in the Philippines by any means and those with a lesser sense of humour may be offended if you say it!)

Donation plate

Are you curious about what happens to the body when there are seven days between death and burial? Well, nothing happens… The coffin is in the living room of the deceased’s home! What’s more, you can see the body because it is not completely closed. The part where the head lies is exposed to the public and separated from the viewers by glass. Decorations of all kinds are placed around the coffin with paschals, curtains, photographs, sentences and flowers. I’ll admit that initially the coffin at home made me feel uncomfortable. But I guess it’s true that you can get used to anything, because over time the presence of the deceased no longer made an impression on me. I even began to treat Grandma as a natural part of the ‘landscape’. 

It can also be a bit shocking that during all this gambling, a jar or plate is placed on the coffin (!!!) for donations of winnings. Some of the profits from the games are given to the family of the deceased, to partly cover the costs of the whole week.

Death in the Philippines – “pre-funeral”

Most often there is a service the day before the funeral, but not in a church! The priest comes to the home of the deceased to celebrate it. After the mass, the games begin and then there is a complete change of mood as it is time to pray. When Lola died, these changes took place 5 times. Mass, gambling, prayer, gambling, prayer, gambling and so on until dawn!

During this day, or rather night, there is also a culinary frenzy, because on the day of the funeral the table must be full of food. Hogs and their derivatives are compulsory. The household members (both men and women) scramble over cauldrons, pans and plates, sharing the chores fairly equally (at least in theory)… This communal cooking (sometimes involving as many as a dozen family members) lasts until about 3-4 o’clock in the morning. After which there is a wake-up call at 6 for a prayer and ultimately the funeral.

“Proper” funeral

First, a service is held in the church at around 1 p.m. What is interesting, instead of mourning black outfits, the family is required to wear white. This has a practical use, as one can melt completely in black in this tropical sun. When Lola died, we proceeded with the village residents (over 100 participants) in various vehicles to the church, following the van with the coffin. The van drove the whole procession while playing popular pop songs by the likes of Westlife, Mariah Carey and Elton John. In theory, these were supposed to evoke a serious mood and squeeze the tears running down the cheeks of the guests. In practice, this did not quite work 😉

In the church, all the participants were distributed in the pews on the right side of the nave. Why only on the right? The explanation is very simple. As I sat with a friend and her immediate family, another coffin rolled in next to Lola. ‘Oh, Filip, look, Lola has company!’ Funeral services on Bohol are held only at one fixed hour, so all the dead are ‘squeezed’. In many places there is one church and one priest for the whole ‘Town’, so all the services have to be shared somehow.

The deceased on view

The service itself is not fundamentally different from anything we know from European churches (or Poland at least). However, after the entire service, the coffins are uncovered again so that everyone takes one last look at those who have passed away. And here, behaviour varies. While my friendly family behaved “normally” in a thoughtful way when saying goodbye to Lola, the “worship” performed by the other family, once again, left me stunned. After the flap was opened, the weeping family gathered around, wiped away tears in instant mode, corrected their hairs and threw in a flirtatious smile mode and moments later… a long series of ‘selfies’ and other photos in various configurations and poses followed, making the deceased and her coffin the focus of flashes. 

Lola’s funeral

After the mass, in the same convoy, in the same order, we went to the cemetery to bury Lola. Interestingly, there are two types of burial – the ‘standard’ one in the ground and in a special crypt made of cement. A friend’s family opted for the latter form. The crypt was practically finished, the only thing left open was the entrance for the coffin, which was walled up when it was filled in. There were no more prayers in the cemetery, no more emotional descriptions of the deceased, no more services, just the seating of the coffin where its place had been prepared. Once the plaque with information about the deceased had been placed, the participants began to disperse. They were still presented with soft drinks and snacks as they left. Most of the guests then went to a sort of wake, which was simply a big meal, where the mood of reflection and sadness was no longer experienced.

Funeral support groups

You already know what a funeral looks like in the Philippines. It is still worth mentioning the village associations, whose members help each other in situations that require physical or financial support. The one-off registration fee is 25 pesos. It obliges the member to carry out assigned tasks. In the case of funerals, four ‘support’ groups are formed:

• The first brigade is responsible for assembling the coffin when the family does not have the funds to buy a “more fashionable” one,
• The second brigade is responsible for kitchen assistance, i.e., for cooking and serving food to guests appearing at the funeral,
• The third brigade is responsible for the burial, which includes either digging a hole in the ground, placing the coffin in and burying it, or making the cement and making the crypt,
• The fourth brigade carries the coffin to the church and then to the cemetery.

In the case of Grandma’s funeral, brigades 1 and 4 were not needed, as funds were found to buy a coffin and a van to carry it. However, not every family can afford such ‘luxuries’ and everything is done with the support of the brigades. I once asked a friend if this membership in the association was compulsory. “Filip, of course not, but not being a member means you can’t count on any help from other residents, so if you’re poor, good luck carrying the coffin over three kilometers yourself”. Curiosity was thus dispelled!

40 days after death

However, as I wrote in the introduction, the funeral does not end the celebration of death. After 40 days after death (preceded by a Novena, as how could it be otherwise), another feast follows. The same happens one year and three years after death. You won’t see any grief on the faces, because it is a simple “party” preceded by a prayer. In short, it’s food, food and more food, with rum and tuba (coconut wine) flowing around late into the evening. Such anniversaries last all day and are preceded by a day of cooking. You should also know that there is no party without a hog! Various dishes are served, while it must always be pork. As a side dish, a goat may also be served.

Conclusion

This post has come out very long, just as long are the rituals associated with death in the Philippines. They can certainly be shocking to a European. When a family suffers the passing of a loved one, there is always someone who drops by to enjoy a free cigarette and a party over the coffin. For us in Europe, this arouses great surprise. Also, is our deep sorrow better than fun parts of the rites in the Philippines? Nobody should judge it. Let us remember that it is a different culture – sometimes incomprehensible, but invariably fascinating.

Author: dr. Filip Wojciechowski (Kahibalo Foundation)